My Kind of Soulmate

Hard to believe these people exist. I though I had found mine, but it was all narcissistic deceit for 21 years. Sad, 5 kids. We are survivors though. I don’t need a man to take care of me. I have taken care of everything, so he could “do his thing”. SOMEDAY maybe I will trust again, ½ my life spent with this man. Lots of work to do. Thank you to all that write such great blogs. I truly appreciate it.

The Fickle Heartbeat

A wonderful feature post by Single Strides. Please enjoy!

Everyone wants to believe in their one true love. They want to believe in love’s true kiss, the chill-you-to-your-bones first look when you fall in love, and the earth-shattering moment you’ve found the person you can’t live without. You want to imagine the day when nothing else matters but the hand you’re holding, the eyes that watch you fall asleep and the smile that wakes you in the morning.

Everyone wants to believe in finding their soulmate. The person that fits you so completely, you’re not sure how you survived so long without them. The person that finishes your thought even before you have, and pushes you to reach even higher than your dreams. Everyone wants to wait for the person that fills you with so much joy that you forget what sorrow is. The person that you always…

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The Perks of Having “You”

This too is my fantasy, NOT YET, a year at least after divorce. Or more. If it is to happen, it will. Thank you

The Fickle Heartbeat

Perks of Having You

1. I can have the shittiest day, and all I have to do is call you and hear your voice to calm me down.

2. Knowing that my presence and absence mean something to somebody.

3. It makes me happy to think that you’re in this relationship because I make you happy and because you want me to be happy too.

4. I can’t explain it word for word, but you just get me. I don’t have to say a million words; you just do.

5. At times when I feel so thankful to have you by my side, I think of ways to better myself in return of my thankfulness.

6. When I’m driving home late at night, and I’m falling asleep on the road, I have you to call on my speed dial.

7. When I have a fight with my mom/sister/friend/colleague/stranger, I could vent all I want…

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There Will Always Be Days – – –


Yes, there will always be those days that you experience “the lows”.  It’s a constant struggle to maintain “the highs” – and that’s not just a symptom of divorce.  That’s true for all people.
From the outside looking in, my friends and family would say I have a pretty outstanding “easy” life.  I have a lovely home, a paid for car, two adult sons who are successful and have loving relationships, freedom to live life on my own terms, etc.  But does that mean I don’t have times that I sink into the doldrums and wonder when (if) my heart will soar again?
I have those times, and I bet you do too.  Sometimes I can see them coming, sometimes not.   Sometimes they’re petty – I admit it, sometimes they’re justified.  They still happen.  I thought I had reached a time in my life where my “friend set” WAS…

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Like a Chameleon

That is where I am. Where you were. It’s paralyzing and I hate the CONTROL FACTOR. Why have I given permission to bow down to Anxiety? I didn’t used to be this way. I am lost, if you should find me let me know.

Sophie Brexx


One of the biggest things I regret from my battle with anxiety is that I would hide from others. I remember having moments where I just didn’t want anyone to find me. I wanted to fit seamlessly into the background, like a chameleon who blends in with its surroundings to hide from its prey. That is what I felt like, prey. I could feel the eyes of others beaming down on me waiting for me to become exposed so that they could pounce. I feared being found out. Would they notice that I was hiding this burden I call anxiety?

I didn’t want to go out in fear that I would have a panic attack. I didn’t want to explain to others what was wrong if something happened. I didn’t want to embarrass myself and have others wonder why I was acting weird. So what did I do? I started going out for shorter…

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Paint Me Your Affections

This would work for me! Someday, love it. Thank you

The Fickle Heartbeat

Paint me your affections.

Shared by veronicalangley

Cara fluttered her eyes open and was blinded by sunlight. Not wanting to acknowledge the morning, she quickly buried her face in John’s shoulder. John yawned himself awake and turned toward her, pulling her body into his with affection.

She wrapped one arm around his torso and the other she curled across the back of his shoulder lacing her fingers into his tussled brown hair. Her hand pressing into the strength of his back, she pulled herself into him, absorbing his warmth and comfort.

John pressed his nose into her hair and inhaled her scent then kissed her crown repeatedly. Their torso’s pressed against each other and their legs entangled, John pulled the back of Cara’s shirt up and drew soft circles across her shoulder blades.

He made her so nervous, her stomach would light up with electric buzz and her finger tips tingle ever place…

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Timeline of a Divorce

This is great. There are so many days, that I feel out of control of everything. I walk around in circles, cry, yell, whatever. The days are flying by quickly, in 5 days it will be our 18 year anniversary. We are not divorced yet, but he is gone. I am dreading it.

Thank you for the great post.

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

I hesitated to share this. Not because it’s private. Or controversial. But I’m afraid people will misinterpret it as an absolute.

And if there’s one universal truth about divorce, it’s that there are no absolutes.

I’m sharing this because I see a need. A void. People reaching out and wondering if their feelings are okay for the place they’re in. We all want to know that we’re “normal” and we seek reassurances that we are while silently worrying that we’re not.

But worrying about if your feelings are normal doesn’t help you feel better.

In fact, it makes you feel worse.

Your feelings are what they at this moment.

And that’s okay.

And it’s also okay to want them to be different and then to work towards making them different (notice the intent is paired with action!).

I am sharing the rough outline of my emotions and mindset at…

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Love Is Only Blind When Your Head Is In the Sand


Lessons From the End of a Marriage

Do you ever look back at a former relationship and wonder what you saw in your one-time flame?

Or do you ever question a friend or family member’s choice in partners?

It’s easy when you’re outside of a relationship to view the bigger picture, the distance providing perspective while damping emotions.

But when you’re in it?

It’s all too easy to bury your head in the sand.

We stick our heads in the sand in relationships for a variety of reasons:


A wife sees a suggestive text on her husband’s phone from an unknown female. Her heart begins to race and panic floods her system. The hint of an affair is overwhelming to her; she cannot face the thought that her marriage is in trouble and that she may lose her husband. She turns away from the text and tries to pretend that she never saw it. That it…

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Change: It Is Your Choice

It is amazing to me, how well you are able to verbalize your feelings, in such an organized fashion. I still feel like all words coming out of my mouth are, blah, blah, blah. I want to write so badly, I know it would be good therapy. Again, I applaud you for your bravery, strength, and gift of the written word.

BTW: I think you found what you COULD do VERY WELL when you grow up. You are already doing it.

Thank you for inspiring me daily!

Missives by Michelle

My Step-Mother (DJ) and I are walking a parallel path in very different circumstances. We are both grieving a death of a loved one. She grieves the death of my Dad, her soul mate, and I am grieving both the death of my Dad and my marriage. The difference is that my Dad is gone forever and my ex-husband is alive and with another woman. DJ lives in an empty house full of memories mourning their daily life. I am reminded daily of my loss as I am a single parent to our children and watch my ex living his life with someone else.

When DJ and I call to check in on one another we constantly find ourselves saying “I don’t know”. Today as we were talking she said, “Are things ever going to be okay for us. I guess they have to be.” I replied, “Everything will be…

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Show Them the Door

Awesome exercise! Thank you.

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

You find an uninvited man standing in your living room.

He’s not saying or doing anything.

Just standing there.

What do you do?

Do you pretend that there is no man standing in your living quarters as you go about your daily life denying that he is there?

Do you insist that there shouldn’t be a man there and persist in your assertions even as he stands there?

Do you try to convince yourself that there isn’t a man there, that maybe it’s just a trick of the light?

Do you talk yourself into believing that it’s not a man even if it looks and acts just like one?

Do you consciously ignore the man hoping that he will get the message and just go away?

Do you distract yourself from thinking about the man with an afternoon cocktail or endless work?

Do you attack the man in anger, trying to…

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July 26th: Going to the Well

Daily Divorce Meditations

Sometimes we get caught up in old behaviors.
My favorite one was “going to the well.”
I had spent years trying to get what I needed emotionally from my husband and…
Sometimes… I got it.
Sometimes… I didn’t.
He was never consistent with his emotions.
I never knew from one day to the next if he would comfort me or make me feel worse.
One day, a person that I greatly respect, said something that made me become aware of what I was doing.
He said:
“Your spouse is like your drug. He is very intoxicating because you never know what you are going to get. So, you keep going to the well looking for more.”
I asked him to explain his statement.
He continued:
“When you are addicted to alcohol and drugs, you go to the “well” again-and-again to drink or use and make yourself feel better. But sometimes……

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Starting over, by Surprise